I’ve seen some people lately discussing “wife-changing money” and wondered what that actually means. So I’ve done a little digging for everyone, so you know when you have made enough crypto gains to cash out and consider it wife-changing.
Step one is divorcing your current wife. According to Business Insider, the average divorce in the USA costs as much as $15k per person. Obviously this depends on a lot of factors such as how many shared assets you have, if there are kids involved, and whether or not the divorce is contested. However, we are just gonna go with $15k, plus an additional $5k to hide your crypto gains. If your wife knows about and can go after your crypto, this step will be a lot more expensive.
The next step is finding a new wife. This is a multi step process that starts with self betterment before getting into courting and dating your future wife. Part one of this step isn’t that expensive, all you is a gym membership, some new clothes, and probably some cologne (you are a redditor, so maybe you’ve never heard of this before, but it makes you smell nice). We can estimate this at $3k. Then is the dating which will be several months to a few years of dinners, dates, and gifts. We can estimate this at around $10k assuming a 2 year dating period, a nice dinner every other week, and gifts for valentines days, birthdays, and anniversaries.
The last step is the marriage itself. Using averages from “The Knot”, the engagement ring will cost about $5k, the wedding will be $25k, and the honeymoon will be $7k. Obviously, these are very loose estimates, but its the best we can do given the general nature of this discussion.
Adding everything up, we get $70k to achieve “wife-changing money” status. Honestly, it’s not as much as I was expecting; I think that many of you could achieve it. Of course, many of you like me might not even want to get a new wife, in which case this is just a nice amount of money. But I think it is a good benchmark for success nonetheless. Thank you for listening.